S L O W I N G D O W N | 28/12/17
Oops.
So predictably I have missed some days here. Yesterday, while fully aware I had missed two days of my little writing project, I was filled with disappointment in myself while I ran around at work. I thought about the three days previously and realised just how busy I had been and there I decided that I wouldn’t just give up, but I would write again.
I also decided I wouldn’t write the extra posts and try to fill gaps unnaturally. I decided I would just pick up again and write when I had the time.
This morning has been different for me. I woke up at 7am, and for the first time in weeks, I didn’t have anything I had to do. I cleaned my house the night before, and I didn’t have to be at work or at somebody’s house. I wasn’t busy.
Some days not being busy fills me with dread - I don’t deal well with a lack of routine. But today, I have embraced it.
For four weeks, my bath has inexplicably been refusing to produce hot water. For anyone who knows me - this is a big bummer. I love a bath. And better still I love a bath bomb. This morning I spent some time on it and worked out how to fix it. After running myself a hot bath with a lovely Christmas bath bomb and candle, I picked up a new book and started to read. A book I want to read, not a book for University.
It was going well until a few minutes in when I hopped out to check that the kitchen wasn’t on fire (this is routine - when I’m ‘relaxing’ my brain often decides to think up reasons that I shouldn’t be). Kitchen successfully not burning down, I got back into the bath and sat. Continuing to read I pushed back the feelings of guilt that I wasn’t busy working on assignments. Or organising my next few weeks. Or writing this. I just allowed myself to be in the moment.
This morning, I have allowed myself to have time. And after that, I was genuinely excited to sit down and write this.
Sometimes, we forget how quickly we can burn ourselves out. We run on empty because carrying on is easier. Checking the kitchen isn’t on fire is a better option than actually spending time with your own head. After moisturising and brushing my hair (I know! Self-care!), I woke up Sam bubbling with my good mood. Sam has seen the raw end of my stress lately, and although I was still waking him way before he wanted to get up - at least this time it wasn’t with a look of despair and a to-do list in hand.
Today I am reminding myself that nobody has to do it all.
I have a million ideas in my head and my notebook is about to take a battering as I jot them all down. But for the first time in a long time, they feel a little clearer. I am excited about doing cool things again, and not just stressed.
Today I am slowing down. Because we create our own calm. And the work will still be there tomorrow - but without taking some time to slow down - we may not be.
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