S L O W I N G D O W N

S L O W I N G  D O W N | 28/12/17

Oops.

So predictably I have missed some days here. Yesterday, while fully aware I had missed two days of my little writing project, I was filled with disappointment in myself while I ran around at work. I thought about the three days previously and realised just how busy I had been and there I decided that I wouldn’t just give up, but I would write again.

I also decided I wouldn’t write the extra posts and try to fill gaps unnaturally. I decided I would just pick up again and write when I had the time.

This morning has been different for me. I woke up at 7am, and for the first time in weeks, I didn’t have anything I had to do. I cleaned my house the night before, and I didn’t have to be at work or at somebody’s house. I wasn’t busy.

Some days not being busy fills me with dread - I don’t deal well with a lack of routine. But today, I have embraced it.

For four weeks, my bath has inexplicably been refusing to produce hot water. For anyone who knows me - this is a big bummer. I love a bath. And better still I love a bath bomb. This morning I spent some time on it and worked out how to fix it. After running myself a hot bath with a lovely Christmas bath bomb and candle, I picked up a new book and started to read. A book I want to read, not a book for University.

It was going well until a few minutes in when I hopped out to check that the kitchen wasn’t on fire (this is routine - when I’m ‘relaxing’ my brain often decides to think up reasons that I shouldn’t be). Kitchen successfully not burning down, I got back into the bath and sat. Continuing to read I pushed back the feelings of guilt that I wasn’t busy working on assignments. Or organising my next few weeks. Or writing this. I just allowed myself to be in the moment.

This morning, I have allowed myself to have time. And after that, I was genuinely excited to sit down and write this.

Sometimes, we forget how quickly we can burn ourselves out. We run on empty because carrying on is easier. Checking the kitchen isn’t on fire is a better option than actually spending time with your own head. After moisturising and brushing my hair (I know! Self-care!), I woke up Sam bubbling with my good mood. Sam has seen the raw end of my stress lately, and although I was still waking him way before he wanted to get up - at least this time it wasn’t with a look of despair and a to-do list in hand.

Today I am reminding myself that nobody has to do it all.

I have a million ideas in my head and my notebook is about to take a battering as I jot them all down. But for the first time in a long time, they feel a little clearer. I am excited about doing cool things again, and not just stressed.

Today I am slowing down. Because we create our own calm. And the work will still be there tomorrow - but without taking some time to slow down - we may not be.

F R I E N D S H I P S & L O V E

F R I E N D S H I P S & L O V E | 23/12/17

Today's post is a little late. Well very late in fact. I have been super busy with work this week and am willing to admit that this was a crazy time to start this project. That said, I made a commitment to myself and wanted to share something today.

This year has been a lot of fun, and also a lot of hard work. One of the biggest things I have gained from this year is a whole heap of new amazing frienships and I wanted to express just how important all of the friendships in my life are to me and just how much they help me through.

As I grow older, I realise just how difficult it is to keep friendships going. Between real life and organising myself - making time to catch up with people can be difficult. I am so lucky to have such an amazing group of University friends who, by and large, still live around the corner. I am scared about what will happen when that changes.

This said, I have also got a beautiful heap of friends outside of this circle. I am so lucky to still spend time with people I knocked around with when we were sixteen, and I love nothing more than catching up with those people and watching as they grow into real life adults. 

This year I was also lucky enough to see my oldest friend in the world get engaged and have a beautiful baby girl. I am so proud of her - from when we were five until now, she has always been an inspiration to me. I have re-connected with people from the past who I didn't even realise I was missing until they came back into my life. I have met new friends and thrown myself into new friendships. And I have allowed myself to have the closest of girl gangs that I am endlessly grateful for.

Friendship is so important. We must burn down the belief that intimacy must be reserved for romantic relationships. Be more loving and embrace vulnerability. I am forever working on the idea of opening up to people and am even getting better at telling people how I am feeling.

Tell people you care about them. Hold their hands. Tell people you are proud of them. Listen to them when they want to talk and be there for the people you love unconditionally. 

❤️

L U C K

L U C K |  22/12/17

Today I want to talk about the idea of luck. From a very young age, I can remember being aware of the idea of superstitions. The basics: breaking a mirror is seven years bad luck, you cannot possibly walk under a ladder, etc. Of course, these are just harmless old wives tales for the most part.

Yet I can not pinpoint the moment when I started creating my own ‘superstitions’. The idea that if there was still water draining from the bath when I was in the room, that was ‘bad luck’ - or that if I wear certain items of clothing I will certainly have a bad day. As I dealt with poor mental health further into my teens, these things became more important. To avoid ‘bad luck’ was even more important when everything around me seemed so horrible.

I still don’t really know how to justify these little quirks and superstitions. Of course, an OCD diagnosis has been banded around - but it has never felt that intrusive to my life, and until that point comes, I don’t see the harm or need for ‘treatment’.

I have a very clear understanding of how ridiculous superstitions are. Yet ask me to walk under a piece of scaffolding and I will go cold for fear of making something bad happen. But the thing is, keeping an eye on these things makes me feel better. For the moment feeling like I have some vague control over my own ‘luck’ makes me feel more in control of my life.

As I write this post I can see just how crazy it could all sound. But I think it is important to remember that we all have quirks and sometimes that is okay.

In a world where so much is happening every day that is out of our control, it is little wonder that we have a ‘lucky tie’ or are avoiding that ladder in the street. Luck makes us feel hopeful and like something is looking after us.

So today, I want to wish you all good luck. But I also want to remind you that we create our own luck. You’ve got this ❤️